so

Just read Hayleys blog.

It is so my favourite

She is so cool

lol cool.

but she is just really cool

we agree on a lot of things

tears-

I'm guessing are something that come when theres nothing left or right to say in a situation

whether your to sad, happy or tired and can't explain yourself or feelings tears fit right in.

I haven't cried in an awfully long time

don't know whether that's a bad thing or not

I just haven't

have definatly felt like it, but tears just haven't come

not sure what that means either

Life is good

to tired for my own good though

eep

mum and dad feel like they get the worst of me..

they never see me and when im home im tired therefore grumpy slash easily annoyed

opps.

recently enjoying:

Jolie Holland, Billie Holiday, Erin McKeown and Peter Mulvey

 which is so random

recently missing:

having a pet

looking foward to recently:

sleep. duh

I want to go horse riding

ok random. fell off a horse for the first time a year-ish ago

so wasnt as bad as i thought it would be

so now when i ride i'm not really scared of falling off becasue it wasn't even that bad

this can probably relate to something important

eg just giving things a go because if you fail or it doesnt work out you realise it's not that bad and you can just keep trying with less fear i guess, instead of stupidly worrying about something horrible that could happen if you did do this thing. and failed.

also you have to learn to trust the horse and the horse has to learn to trust you.

you have to get to know what the horse is capable of before you can trust it.

horses are such carefree animals

but listen when they have to

well once theve been trained to

.

Jesus is amazing

I love him so much and am forever grateful

life is so happy with Him

honestly

at the end of the day whatever has happened you can't be angry or sad

you just can't

I will find no greater love than with Him

He is love.God is love

Iv'e always known slash been told this, that God is love

but only recently (past two weeks-ish)

have i really opened my eyes to this, like the massive sacrafice he gave.

He gave his one and only son! what the heck. for selfish sinning people like us

Jesus knew what he had to do and did it with no regret, and it was all for other people, it was for

everybody 

every single person that has ever lived and ever will live on this earth

wow

sow

pumped for next years journey

Hes already looking down smiling, proud.

Hello December

Your here

along with Christmas, New years and Summer.

Years go by to quickly

thinking of  new year resolutions and think i didnt complete any of mine from last year

 next year will be different

so i and many other people say every year

lol

I am enjoying life at the moment

but i need a job

I enjoy how you can choose to change how you feel quite easily

when ever im grumpy dad takes me for a bush walk

and hello nature i'm happy

No jokes, it works every time.

bit to windy for my liking, as always though.

Decided to climb a tree yesterday when i was home alone

climbed it probably everyday when i was younger

this time i got stuck and couldn't get down untill mum got home

i threw bud bud things from the tree at the house to get her attention

i got a lot of scratches on my legs and back. ouch

it was worth it though

I enjoyed being up high laying on the branches.

hmm

I'm going to do something productive



etc

I know i have already blogged today but i miss it

so

Walked George today by myself because T didn't want to do it

felt a little weird just me and him

but it was cute

we had cuddles in the long grass

 he licked me to death

he loves making friends George does

like actualy everyone slash dog that walks past he is dying to get to

awkward moment when this one guy asked how old he was

hes not mine so i don't know

LOL

Played touch rugby with the boys

thought i didn't like touch

but i enjoyed it

Elevate bet Huge!

I also got a try

pumped for tomorrow

It's Graces birthday!

this time i will get the call right, haha imagine if i forgot

not going to happen.

.

Honestly childrens imaginations amaze me

.

Really appreciating the people from Kapiti that are now in my life and i'm glad i get to spend summer with them, will be completly different people that i would have been with last year.

kinda makes me sad thinking of those people, eg my best friends, i spend last summer with

but it's for the better that i'm not with them anymore

it's for Jesus

eep

I enjoy

I enjoy being barefoot

 

I enjoy how its such a free feeling and how you can feel so much more with your feet like the grass and sand and carpet, it's not always a pleasent feeling eg hot sand, prickles on the grass but you wouldnt know that if you had shoes on so you would walk without noticing. I like noticing things.

.

Mowed the lawns on Saturday, good times.

while mowing i realised how nice my garden is and how i miss spending time in it

I need to spend more time outside, summer will help me with that.

Saturday night worked raising money to get kids to camp, it was honestly beautiful.

Kinda intence but not as much as anybody else would say

10 hours

I decided i wouldnt rather be anywhere else than there with the people that were also working

it was beautiful, i felt so blessed even though we were all tired and sweating because it was so hot it was enjoyable and rewarding knowing you were getting kids to camp.

Bri stayed

we had a good time

I really enjoy her and want to spend a lot more of my time with her

I enjoy hearing about her life and revalations

her in general

shes amazing

I had a laugh

I was sitting on the side of a spa in Palmers filled with cold water with my feet in it.

it felt so nice but Josh told me to get my feet out haha

Was trying to decide whether i enjoy it still being light after the evening service

I enjoy how its still light after the evening service

Just got a call from Smile Creations saying i have a dentist appointment tomorrow.

Thanks for telling me mum

cheers

OK!

this morning i had a dream about Graces birthday which is tomorrow

so while i was half alseep slash still dreaming, i think, i picked up my cell phone and called her

she answers and i start singing 'happy birthday to you etc'

Grace just replies and says it's not my birthday

I am now awake

 we both have a laugh

I enjoy Grace and will miss her over the summer when she visits her father in America

Can't wait to go fishing

I also enjoy Josh and Simeon and feel like our friendship has grown a lot in a short time

Summer will be fun in Kapiti

hello

go for a walk

you never know what youll find

Free

The weirdest slash coolest thing happened to me the other day:
woke up, not really loving life my sleeping patterns are playing with me, honestly 4am? I can't have had enough sleep why am i waking up? hmm. anyway back to woke up, not really loving life, tried to study it was a fail, kinda done nothing all day. When T got home from school we went and walked George the dog, that was nice everyone on the walk was so friendly. But yea mum said i couldn't go to the work thing raising money for camp kids so i had a bit of a cry (not literally cry, im not like that) went to my room and played my all time favourite game/the only game i have classic snake and i bet my high score! it is now 2434, i believe that is unbeatable. that just made my day
or so i thought..
The previous night i had recieved a txt message from 124 saying "Thank you. Your prepaid top up number is (numbers). To top up call *333" yea so in my grump i decided to try use it. *ring, enter number* voice on the other end says "thank you $60 has been added to your account" what. the. heck. i sat there for about tewnty minutes staring into space wondering if i should call somebody, i felt like i just won the lotto.

thank you Jesus

He made my day

.

He also made my day yesterday

Me, Josh and Sim saw the most amazing shooting star while star gazing after Elevate. honestly it was amazing! T missed it though, she was guttered so we all lay there and prayed for a really cool shooting star that we would all see. we mentioned just casually that on really stary nights you don't really see the moon. the moon is my favourite, it does things to me i swear. Josh went inside and Sim T and I drove home, not disapointed just talking about how cool it would be if God actually gave us the shooting star we were praying for. as we were driving i look to my right and see a glimpse of the brightest thing hiding behind the trees, sim looks and sees it to. we are all really excited so we turn around and go back and see the moon  ahhh it was amazing, bright and big and it was rising because we couldnt see it before it was honestly beautiful and it got us all hypo. T asks Sim can you put these windows down hes like yea next thing she yells out the window "Jesus I love you" it was beautiful, next thing all three of us are just yelling out our windows laughing, and laughing at how God would just be laughing at us getting all excited over a moon that he just created, just like that *poof moon* its so easy for him to make us happy, he never disapoints!

That glipmse of the moon was better than the shooting star we were asking for.

Thank you Jesus

p.s ive finished all my exams

i'm free

Be real

life is good.

I enjoy how life is going. I enjoy where life is going although im not to sure where that is. im not worrying about it. something like trusting the unknown it is a beautiful thing.
.
first impressions..

I always wonder what people think of me at first..



 

Im not certain if everybody feels this but for me there are definatly people in my life i feel very protecive over, maybe not a child-like protective just generally care about.
.
I like to think i am somebody people feel comfortable talking to and being real with. Also think it is something you have to earn from a person. 

I enjoy counselling new christians. 

I fell asleep today listening to taylor swift on repeat..i missed my exam. eek.

I do enjoy listening to the same song on repeat though, sometimes.

I'm excited about life. I guess.

hello tomorrow

relax

I think for the first time in my memory of my life i have made a decision

i'm not worried about it either,  i honestly think it is the right one.

my cat just had a mental spaz in my room, chasing a tiny ball of rubbish then scratching my duvet and walls.

i wonder if cats are happy when they do that? or are they are angry? surly if a human ran around doing that people would think they were nutty. cats are just entertaining. my other cat is now sleeping on my bed.

i like the company.

I am so tired i am at the stage where i dont really feel awake and everything gets to me and i dont know what i feel so i just feel like crying. but i honestly have no tears.

ok well Fridy night couldnt get to sleep till at least 2am, just sat in my lounge doing nothing.

slept in till 11 which i never do had a bowl of cereal and went to bed again.

woke up at 2pm txt my friend Elaine i havent seen in months. went for a walk on the beach with her which was beautiful. i really enjoyed that. shes not friends with any of my other friends so shes just my special friend that i can just go tell everything thats on my mind. sort of to offload.

 she isnt christian but she is fully supportive and the sweetest person so i miss not seeing her often, even though she lives around the corner as weve grown older weve both become busy.

she had work from 5.30 till midnight so i just chilled at her house had dinner with her family. it was nice because it was like being alone and away from everything really. i didnt have to worry about anything. i feel so at home when i go to her house its so relaxing.

tomorrow will be a good day.

golfing slash studying with Thomas Carter.

make up for not seeing him on his birthday!

sleep time

 

Orphans, Kingdoms

Our Kapiti regional meeting was utter beauty lastnight. Although i hate public speaking/praying/attention so thats always awkward.

Well school is over tomorrow then into study leave eeep
low key stressing over exams i havent started studying yet!

Honestly in love with the song 'Orphans, Kingdoms' by Brooke Fraser at the moment.
It's on replay, all day. intentional rhyme there.



Had a shower in candle light lastnight. it was very relaxing.
wish i had a bath tub though

dum-de-do

hello *smile*

Hi blog.

my weekedy end...

Ran the mercy 'walk' mainly with Thomas. got all sweaty and sore. it was great.
went kayaking for two hours for school. my arms got sore.
me Shawn Koh, Josh Ell, Thomas Carter, James Capz went to tennis for ages and watched James play hes the man at tennis. went to his flash house had a beautiful shower after a morning of exercise.
Sams 21st had the best speeches, nearly cryed at a few of them. e.g Lukes and his mums probably because there family it was truly touching.

Church church church
Rocket was heck-tick in Kapiti.
Space party was so much fun, seeds were planted in kids, Jesus will get them! wahahaha
that sounded like i was joking, but i wasn't.



I want to be punched in the face by Jesus
I want direction in my life
I want answers

I want to know who i am

I think that is important
and i truly don't feel like i know who i am
I know you start acting slash speaking like the people you hang around but does that mean you become like them? waah


I am a daughter and beautiful women of God
I need to start speaking positive things over my life.

Bro. also am thinking that Jesus is moving really fast in New Zealand.
maybe thats why everybody is rush rush rushing around feeling like they have no time. me included.



Also don't want to be to caught up in something so much that i get to the point where i feel like i cant get out of it. or maybe thats a good thing if im happy?
ok being completly honest i dont think ive ever been certain of anything in my life
not one thing, except im certain ive never been certain. oh and that i love Jesus thats crucial.

Bye blog.

pretty.

 

 

True beauty.

low key reflecting on things

i have a memory box only recently made, everything in it would be so random to anybody except me. thats the beauty of a personal memory box.

'lady jess'

you are my God

There is truly no place like home.



I got a taste of the summer this weekend. and it had nothing to do with the weather.
In summer i am generally never home. Last summer i wasnt home for a month at one time, so when i do get home, say hi to the family i really feel like i can relax and it is such a good feeling having my own bed and toilet back.

Being honest church yesterday was actually amazing, i use amazing a lot and just say it without thinking but i have thought about it and it was amazing. Ps Ronnie and John spoke two powerful messages.
everyone went to James Duxfields after 5.30 service. it was nice i like being surrounded with church family and e few people i havent met yet. Experienced 3D snap for the first time, still dont quite get it, also tryed Dr pepper for the first time Sam Forty said i wouldnt like it trying it for the first time but it wasnt bad.
Wish i could have stayed longer but Jess Baker wanted to go home and i was staying at hers.

Done some quality thinking on the train slash bus replacement. 
i do enjoy the time i get alone, when im travelling or walking and not doing anything in paticular.

"here i am to worship, here i am to bow down, here i am to say that your my God.
your altogether lovely, altogether worthy, altogether wonderful to me"



Think i want to start reading books again. i used to read all the time, kinda miss it.

" it takes no time to fall in love. but it takes you years to know what love is"
found this quote and wondering if it is true. i definatly dont know what love is.

rediscovered 'chasing cars' by snow patrol
can't stop listening to it

There is truly no place like home.

nutella

I miss having dinner at the dinner table

it is quality bonding time with the family that i miss from childhood.

seams like dinner has turned into eat whenever you can, especially when hockey season was on

in the holidays just past i had dinner at home once. one time in two weeks!

my poor family misses me and im still living at home.

Tiana nearly crys when i go on holiday, she misses family a fair lot.

I'm a bit different. I don't really miss people untill i see them again and realise how much i have missed them Not sure whether that's a bad thing or not though.

3.30am been watching infamertials while on facebook for hours while Austin and Rachel are out to it on the couches, they had a nutella fight earlier. went everywhere. hopefully chocolate comes out of the carpet. for Rachels sake.

Glad theres no school tomorrow.

Pumped theres Elevate tomorrow.

Some things i need to recieve

I have learnt you can't change a person they can only change themselves so i generally know the stuff i am being told is true its just going to take some effort for me to change.

God is working with me, its a slow process.

 p.s. The awkward moment when your at somebodys house and dont know were to find a blanket. should have gotten this sorted before my host fell asleep. now it's time for a 3.30am treasure hunt. yes i treasure blankets they keep you warm with a slight sense of protection when sleeping.

what a day

7.30am got up had weet-bix for breakfast
Jesus time
back to bed
12.13pm got up again
youtube/facebook
hung out the washing
made cheese and crackers for lunch
ate lunch
got dressed
walked george the dog with tiana
went on the flying fox at the park
sat by a stream and threw rocks in it
saw abandoned records now rubbish
got lost in pram, was weird having lived here for 8 years
saw a guy running
saw a guy biking
saw a swamp that would have scared me if it was dark
heard a guy talking on a walky talky
discovered where i was
climbed a cut down tree log, made me feel like climbing a tree
saw the same guy running
headed back
saw the guy that was talking on the walky talky
ran and jumped over puddles with Tiana, George avoided them
walked past two guys in the bus stop George said hello. they smiled back
went home
brought in the washing
got changed
went to the gym
did zumba at the gym
went home
ate a salad
had a shower
watched the end of avatar with Tiana
facebook/blogging
12.00am sleep.

p.s the good thing about this day is that it didn't involve college.
p.p.s i generally don't like dogs. but i like George it is impossible to be unhappy around him.